Now ain’t that some shit.
Today I’m not happy or sad I’m just there but I’m just there because I’ve realised something, I’m changing. I like change so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m actually only here to reassure myself, because something threw me into doubt today. Some days ago my friends were asking who the first to get married out of all of us will be and I was picked to be first and I openly disagreed, usually I would have agreed because a while ago the only purpose I thought I had was to serve, to serve others, mainly my family. And to be honest I think that’s what most people think of me, the mom, the parent, the one that’s always there to serve others. I don’t really know my purpose now but I don’t think it’s a life of constant selfless servitude. That’s what really defined and validated me even now but I’m starting to draw away and it feels good, but I won’t lie, days I’m not called on to serve I feel useless and wonder what I’ve done wrong and today is one of those days. So I’m writing this to remind myself, that I’m me, I’m here for me, and I’ve got a purpose for myself, I may not know it for now but it’s time to do me. I think. Lol.
p.s. this is an old piece…
